Cleansing Ritual

Tonight I had a good cry. I sobbed heavily.

A lot of things caught up with me today. I was able to wake up early and go to church. There was no mass. It was just me and a few other families. They did "The Way of the Cross" while I opened up my long kept Bible to reflect on a few passages of scripture. I miss my quiet times.

Back when I was in college I was a different person. Being gay then was something I had to overcome by having a close relationship with God. I rebelled a decade ago and missed out on the spiritual closeness I once enjoyed.

Today I cooked again and went to the market with mom. Two things I haven't done in a long time. Cooking for others gives me joy and spending time with my mom in this very mundane task is surprisingly heart warming especially that I have my niece begging us to buy her buko. And then I slept soundly the whole afternoon to make up for the puyat the past weeks.

A few hours ago I unleashed my 2 decades worth of anger towards my mega kontrabida aunt. For once, I indulged my inner dragon and let out the fumes. I've been carrying this rage quietly for so many years now. It finally needed release. Bonggang bongga nga lang. But at the end there was forgiveness. And sobbing.

I felt cleansed as I let the shower drown my cries and rinse my tired body. I am relieved. Now I'm breathing again.