Couplehood: Red Reflects on SGO Love Lives on 3rd Monthsary

This morning when I opened my Facebook, I saw a set of pictures of a super hunky gay couple. To me they look happy, content and proud of their loved one and their relationship. Through pictures, I can see how love created them as a couple. May chemistry sila. Parang mahal na mahal nila isa't isa. At bagay na bagay pa! Nainggit ako.

Red Roses for SGO Members

For the last two weeks, exposed ako sa story ng isang kaibigan ko dito sa SGO na may isang buwan ng in-love. I saw them together on cam and I can see the closeness. May dating yung pagiging couple nila, they look sooo comfortable together in their simplest form. I was told about their love story, how they met and how things are shaping for the both of them. And what I am really amazed about is their love for each other now is powerful enough for them to consider uprooting themselves to pursue greener pastures abroad. They are planning and exploring a lifetime of togetherness. Wherever the other goes, susunod yung isa. Ang bilis ng development nila in my opinion pero siguro ganun talaga ang kaya nating gawin minsan just to be with the one we love.

And then of course, anjan yung nasubaybayan nating love story ng isang popular couple dito. Kanina lang kausap ko si Zico sa text and sinabi ko sa kanya na masarap alalahanin na nung nagsimula ang SGO ay isa siya sa malalanding member. Hehehe. Mega flirtatious yan. Lahat ng cute na new member friend na nya agad dito. Taob ako sa diskarte nya. Hehehe. Ngayon mega domesticated siya. Nasabi ko nga na parang nagtanan siya at nabuntis. At eto ngayon natututo sa realidad ng pag-aasawa. Nasabi ko sa kanya na hindi ko kaya ang pagtalon na ginawa nya. Hindi ko kaya pa ang makasama ang isang tao sa araw-araw at maging vulnerable sa harap nya. I can't imagine the struggles they are going through but I am only inspired by the courage they both have to pursue this everyday and the strength of their love that gives them that courage.

Kung mapapansin nyo din nakakalat sa buong site ang happy picture ni Mhake and Yummy. Hehehe. Nakita ko ang paguumpisa ng attraction nila sa isa't isa at ang unti-unti nilang pagdevelop into a couple. Recently they decided to formalize everything and freely express their love for each other. Ang na-appreciate ko sa love story nila ay ang masayang dating ng samahan nila, yung paghihintay ng tamang panahon para mahinog ang feelings at yung pag-intindi sa mga sitwasyon na pinanggagalingan nila separately. I hope for the best.

And of course, anjan yung mga iba pa nating members na may kanya-kanyang pinagdadaanang kilig at pagkilala sa mga taong minamahal nila. I remember isang gabi a few weeks back kinausap ako ni Dandan sa YM tungkol sa kasiyahan niya in finding his current partner. Tapos anjan din si Duane na may kakaibang sarap na nadarama. Hahaha. At si Doc Thon na isang komplikadong kagagahan ang pinasok pero nalulunod sa kasiyahan ng pag-ibig. Hehehe. Recently si Calvin ay nagpaloka sa atin sa kanyang new boyfriend at updated profile picture. Having a small idea of what he has been through since SGO started, mega happy kami for him.

Madami pang ibang personalities dito sa SGO ang nakahanap ng taong nagpapa-excite sa kanilang pag-gising sa bawat umaga. Hindi ko na kailangan pang banggitin lahat pero sapat ng masabi ko na masaya ako para sa inyo (ay teary eyed ako, parang ninang sa kasal lang! hahaha).

Disclaimers

Nung una, marketing strategy ko lang ang ibenta ang concept ng love and matchmaking para magsign up ang single guys. Although alam kong the least we could hope for is good friendships. Pero sa mga stories recently, parang umaapaw ang posibilidad ng pag-ibig. Nakakatuwa.

Sana hindi ma-pressure ang mga pinangalanan kong couples dito. Hindi ko inaasahan na perpekto kayo o kaya'y intensyon kong gawin kayong role models. I can only hope for you to be happy forever pero hindi ibig sabihin nito ay hindi tayo bukas sa posibilidad ng pagkakamali, pagiiba ng direksyon o pag-unfold into a different person or that you can develop into a different kind of couple. Ang mahalaga masaya kayo ngayon, sumusubok kayo na matuto na magmahal ng tama at ng tapat. We support you in this.

Personal Take

With all the love going around me marami akong naramdaman at naisip. Anjan yung mainggit. Yung maawa sa sarili. Yung matuwa para sa iba. Yung madiskubre na posibleng hindi ako handa sa super closeness agad with another person. Yung kiligin. Yung masaktan kasi yung crush ko may mahal na iba o yung dine-date mo ay hindi pala handa sa isang relationship. Yung maniwala ulit na may matino pang klase ng tao na pwedeng mag-exist sa ganitong sexuality. Yung magpasalamat sa benefits ng pagiging single. Yung gustuhing magkaroon ng kasama sa tag-lamig at tag-init. O yung gustuhin na magsimula ang sentence ko ng "we" and hindi "I". Halo-halo. Iba-ibang pakiramdam or realizations na pwedeng conflicting or complementary.

Moderator's Closing Remarks (LOL)

Sa pagtatapos, gusto ko lang sigurong sabihin na ang SGO-Manila ay unti-unting nagiging support mechanism para sa ilang members. Nung panahon ng cynicism, magkakasama ang ilang sa atin at nagbond sa ating gloomy outlook about our love lives. Anjan din tayo nung nagbabago ang ihip ng hangin at nagiging masayahin dahil sa pagdating ng ibang tao. Marami sa atin ang loners at masaya na sa pagkakataong may makausap o mabasa ng ibang tao ang ating nasa saloob. We are starting to affect each other. We sometimes find our validation through the opinions of people who slowly become important in our online friendships.

Maraming salamat sa mga taong nagbahagi ng buhay nila either as a single guy or while they are transitioning into becoming the other half of a new partnership. Dahil sa pagbubukas ninyo ng buhay ninyo, natututo ang ibang tao, nai-inspire, nagkakaroon ng hope at maaaring naliliwanagan sa sarili nilang pinagdadaanan sa buhay.

Sa ating lahat, happy monthsary! :-)

Not Good Enough

Sometimes our best isn't good enough.

The romantic poems, the best dishes, the grand gestures of affection, the tight hugs, the unending kisses, the long walks... All not enough. And you are left wondering, what else can you do so things will work out right?

Not too clingy. Check. Take interest in what he likes. Check. Be "on-call" when he needs to talk. Check. Don't say I-love-you-too-soon. Check. Give him space to do what he wants to do. Check. Yet still not enough.

Even if we do all the right things there is no guarantee that what you have with him is going anywhere near your romantic goals. Things happen and are realized in between the then and now. Sometimes you wake up understanding that only one of you is ready to take the risk or willing to see this through.

When that happens I find myself cleaning up my room, throwing garbage and straightening up the shelves. Some things you cannot control, some you have. I have no control over another person's readiness or appreciation. But I have power to grieve creatively and prepare my surroundings as I start again.

It is always possible that our best is not good enough for someone we like. We accept that. Give ourselves a tap over the shoulder and be a good sport. We take a risk, we lose. We walk back home carrying the image of us doing good, loving much, living well and giving our utmost. For me, that's good enough.

No More Skipping Steps

I am thoroughly experiencing the basic stages of dating only at age 30.

Yes, during my younger years the getting-to-know-you stage was often integrated in the commitment stage. I always had whirlwind romances. Thanks to my desperation. So steps 1-2-3 are hurried and are usually experienced in conjunction with the new boyfriend status. Thus, I had a rich history of short-lived "relationships".

What I am appreciating now is that the getting-to-know-you stage ushers you into a process that involves a lot of soul searching regarding your readiness, your needs or wants, your character and your compatibility with the person. And when you stay longer in this stage and keep yourself from jumping into a commitment, you also have the advantage of studying the person you are dating: his emotional capacity, the common subjects of his conversations, his use of time and how it reflects his priorities, his readiness to accommodate another person in his life, etc.

My recent dating experiences taught me that the spark I have with someone can only take me up to a certain point. When the fireworks fade, your heart becomes quiet, raw and honest. It will tell you if there is indeed a deepening affection, a real presence of love. And in the grand scheme of things, fueling love will require understanding of this person and appreciation of who he is, what he offers and what he means to you.

The getting-to-know-you stage is a process we must undergo. It can be frustrating when things don't go well and you are forced to go back to square one with another guy. But it can be rewarding when your bf doesn't only feel right but is actually a good match for you.