Not Good Enough

Sometimes our best isn't good enough.

The romantic poems, the best dishes, the grand gestures of affection, the tight hugs, the unending kisses, the long walks... All not enough. And you are left wondering, what else can you do so things will work out right?

Not too clingy. Check. Take interest in what he likes. Check. Be "on-call" when he needs to talk. Check. Don't say I-love-you-too-soon. Check. Give him space to do what he wants to do. Check. Yet still not enough.

Even if we do all the right things there is no guarantee that what you have with him is going anywhere near your romantic goals. Things happen and are realized in between the then and now. Sometimes you wake up understanding that only one of you is ready to take the risk or willing to see this through.

When that happens I find myself cleaning up my room, throwing garbage and straightening up the shelves. Some things you cannot control, some you have. I have no control over another person's readiness or appreciation. But I have power to grieve creatively and prepare my surroundings as I start again.

It is always possible that our best is not good enough for someone we like. We accept that. Give ourselves a tap over the shoulder and be a good sport. We take a risk, we lose. We walk back home carrying the image of us doing good, loving much, living well and giving our utmost. For me, that's good enough.